Randomly picking

For the past four years, I've been in a picks league. Pretty much, a group of 20 people (two of which are girls, including me) pick NFL football games against the spread. The spread, for those non-sports gurus, means the points the team is expected to beat the other team by. For instance, one game this week is the Arizona Cardinals versus the Carolina Panthers -2.5. What does the -2.5 mean? It means the first listed team is supposed to either lose or win by that many points. In this case, Arizona Cardinals are supposed to lose to the Carolina Panthers by at least 2.5 points. It's 2.5 because you don't want ties.

Anywho, I haven't done well this year. I used to be good, but this year I've been missing a lot. So, the last few weeks I've been picking games based off of ridiculous things. One week, I picked only projected losers. This week, I picked only projected winners. Three weeks ago, I picked alternating underdogs and projected winners. Since winning the season is already lost, I might as well have fun with it.

This week? MASCOT BATTLE!! If the mascots were real, which mascot would win in an epic battle.

Carolina Panthers versus the Pittsburgh Steelers
Advantage: PANTHERS
This doesn't even seem like a contest. One's a washed up, blue-collar, going-out-of-business worker and one is an aggressive cat. I can just picture it now. Panther charges a steel worker in a hard hat.

Dallas Cowboys versus the Arizona Cardinals
Advantage: COWBOYS
Sure, for those who know me, this may seem like a no-brainer if you know me personally. However, I really didn't have to think for this one. A Cowboy has a gun and a rough-physique, capable of kicking anyone's butt. A cardinal is a bird. Not even an aggressive bird. Why is that even a mascot? That's not inspired...

Baltimore Ravens versus the Cleveland Browns
Advantage: It's a wash at first, but then the Browns take the lead
I wasn't sure how I could dissect this mascot battle. I mean, ravens aren't exactly aggressive, however they are rather intimidating - thanks to a creepy poem by Poe. However, a color? It's just a color. It can't do anything. Just a color. Now, I do know that the Cleveland Browns' unofficial mascot is Chomps. Chomps is a dog. And since dogs HUNT birds, I'm going to go advantage Cleveland on this one.

Detroit Lions versus the Miami Dolphins
Advantage: Lions
Sure, this is difficult at first. I mean, the dolphin is considered one of the most intelligent mammals out there, however, take the dolphin out of water? Useless. Lion in water? Probably not AS effective, but the lion is the King of the Jungle, so he/she at least can be the Prince of the Sea.

New England Patriots versus the Buffalo Bills
Advantage: Patriots
This goes back to our previous point of the Patriots have a gun and the bills' mascot -- a Buffalo -- does not. At first. Then, I started thinking. Those period-correct gun would take forever to load. Giving the buffalo just enough time to charge the Patriot. However, then I realized that the Patriots had cannons. End of story.

New York Jets versus the Chicago Bears
Advantage: Jets
One is a high-speed airplane. One is a bear. Sure, the bear could kill lots of things. However, it couldn't kill a plane. Game, set, match Jets.

San Francisco 49ers versus the St. Louis Rams
Advantage: Rams
Why are they called the 49ers? Because the San Francisco gold rush was 1849. Gold is pretty awesome, however, I'm more of a platinum girl, so I'm not fond. And "Sourdough Sam," their live-action mascot is named for bread. Bread. That's not very intimidating. So, I'm going in favor of the Rams. The rams could definitely not only eat sourdough bread faster than yeast rises, but they also could find gold faster.

Tennessee Titans versus the Kansas City Chiefs
Advantage: Titans
Sure, the chief is intimidating. They have stereotypical bows and arrows. They have "fire whiskey" as Brandan would say. However, the Titans are giants. Big, huge giants that could stomp on the strongest of tribes. Hate to crush you, chiefs, you're over-matched.

Washington Redskins versus the Jacksonville Jaguars
Advantage: Redskins
As much as I hate to side with an overly-obvious racist team, I had no choice this time. The tribe would have weapons. They are expert hunters. They could shoot a Jaguar while staying hidden.

Houston Texans versus the Denver Broncos
Advantage: Texans
Well, considering almost all Texans have either ridden horses or broken one, this one was clear-cut. I fully expect the real-life Texans to break at least one Bronco on Sunday. ;)

Indianapolis Colts versus the Oakland Raiders
Advantage: Raiders
Considering the Raiders have a knife and cannons on their ships, they could most definitely overpower a wild horse.

San Diego Chargers versus the Cincinnati Bengals
Advantage: Chargers
One is a wild tiger that is incredibly violent. One is a lightning bolt. The Bengal can roar all he/she wants. However, when that strike comes from the sky, he/she's toast.

New York Giants versus the Green Bay Packers
Advantage: Giants
Since the packers pretty much just have cheese and an obvious-ability to put items in luggage, I'm going for the side of the Giants. I mean, they are giants. The only chance the packers could win if they can win in a battle of strength, like in The Princess Bride.

Seattle Seahawks versus the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Advantage: Buccaneers
One is a water bird that isn't even that impressive of a hunter. And we go back to the cannons. Buccaneers have cannons that can shoot those water birds right out of the air. BOOM!

Minnesota Vikings versus the Philadelphia Eagles
Advantage: Vikings
Even though this completely goes against all football logic as one has a potential MVP this year and one has everyone injured except the coach. However, the Vikings, once again have weapons, and the eagles are just birds. Just. Birds.

New Orleans Saints and Atlanta Falcons
Advantage: Saints
When you have Jesus on your side, it doesn't matter if you're a hunting bird.

Wish me luck!