A story by Bill and Blair

The title has a ring to it. So, I don't know if anyone has ever done this before, but Bill and I decided to have a little fun. We wrote a story in tangent. Meaning, I would write one sentence, Bill would write the following sentence, sometimes leaving the sentence mid predicate. Enjoy! Any suggestions for the ending should be placed in the comments...

Once upon a time, there was an ugly ogre, but the ogly ugre had dozens of suitors, the fairest maidens from clear across the land because of his incredibly captivating eyes. The color reminded women of the ocean at sunset or ogre urine, which is sky blue but also filled with pheromones that ogrettes cannot resist.

Now some might be confused by the term ogrettes. Though it does include female ogres, it also encompasses ogre children, because women and children are viewed the same as men ogres: worthless and only good for scaring off the villagers in small French towns. Or shall we say "petit" French towns. But we won't, because this story isn't in French, it's in Russian. Which you could tell when you find out the ogre's name is Ivan. His father's name was Boris and his mother's name was Tanya. His sister's name, however, was quite peculiar. It was Blair. Most people found this name to be beautiful. Blair came from Tanya's father's lover. The lover was the only mother Tanya had ever known and she was eternally grateful. Now, let's get back to the story.

But back to the ogre, we forget to mention that he had some extremely gnarly fingernails. He refused to cut them. Many say it's due to the fingernails that Ivan could never get anything because as a child his fingernails had been ripped off by a vicious crow, which in Russian lore is symbolic of a rebirthing period. The Russians are obsessed with rebirthing. No one really knows why but it's believed to be just an excuse to fulfill their deepest erotic desires but we won't discuss those here. After all, this is a book for gay people, and they aren't interested in hetero ogre sex stories they are however interested in great love stories that explore deep relationships and trouble with deeper meaning like when one young ogre dated an older ogre who eventually bought the ogre a gorgeous castle with two moats because all great things come in pairs, like the entire crew of Noah's Ark. And Twix. And The Godfather (the third one doesn't count because it's the only Godfather to not win major awards).

And speaking of twins, Ivan had a twin sister, but she wasn't a ogre, she was a fair maiden, who incidentally had a perverse crush on Danny Davis. But that's a common thing in Ogre-ville. Danny Davis is, after all, the magical prince. All the women were drawn to him due to his amazing skills with a softball bat which he used to sleep next to everynight. That was before the times of Teddy because McKinley was still in the White House. Damn McKinley and his tariffs. However, he did jump start the Progressive Era. Back from that political tangent to ogres. You see, Ivan wasn't like Shrek, he was more like ...


I hope everyone finds it as hilarious as I did.