Alone at times

So, this weekend, David went to Austin to attend the birthday party of his boss' wife. I decided this weekend would be a relaxing weekend with myself and the TV. It's the World Cup after all.

Well, Saturday morning I went for a run. I ran a little over two miles and came back home. I did some push-ups, crunches, lifted some light weights, etc. I do this at least three times a week. Nothing out of the ordinary.

About thirty minutes after I'm done with my workout, I get a sharp pain in my chest. It kind of felt like heartburn. I thought to myself, "Eh, I'll take some Tums and call it a day." I hopped into the shower and starting thinking, "Ya know, Raisin Bran doesn't usually give you heartburn." That's all I had eaten before my run.

I started to do some laundry and at times, the pain was so bad that it would take my breath away. It was getting difficult to breathe. I took another dose of Tums, still thinking it was heartburn.

Nearly ten hours later, it was getting really painful. I was worried that it was actually my heart, not just heartburn. So, I started calling around to find a 24-hour clinic in town. Believe it or not, there is not a 24-hour clinic in this damn town. So, I drove myself to the hospital emergency room. I felt dumb doing this, seeing as I didn't feel like I was dying, but I was worried that if I had a heart attack or something, I'd be all alone. David was out of town. I hadn't talked to my friends yet that day. I was sitting in the hospital room getting all sorts of tests done. They took my blood, gave me an IV, took a chest x-ray, took an EKG, and did about 20 other tests that I can't pronounce, nor remember. Suddenly, I felt very alone.

In Austin, I always had people that I could call. Have them come visit me in the hospital, dodge into my house and take care of Milo. All the sudden, I felt very alone. Sure, I have friends. I have people here that I could call and ask if they would do all of that. But, for the first time, I felt like if I had called someone that I would be inconveniencing them to come be my friend.


Of course, I called a co-worker Kaitlin and asked her if she could take care of Milo. She said of course and asked if I wanted her to visit me. Which was super sweet.

It hit me. I have friends, just not the friends I was used to for five years. I haven't moved on from them nor have I replaced them, but I have new ones. I'm not alone. But I felt very alone, and that's OK.

Four hours later, turns out I just pulled a muscle in my chest (right above my heart, hence why I thought it was coming from my heart). Thank God I have good insurance. So, today I'm resting, watching the World Cup, interspersed with Bravo.