My life as an airline passenger

This year, I've flown a lot. I'm not even sure if that's a fair statement to even fully explain my last year of travel.

This year alone, I have flown a total of 24 times. That's right, 24. That's practically once every other week. Needless to say, I'm feeling like a frequent flier. This is why I feel like I can aptly write this blog entry.

Growing up in Dallas-Fort Worth, we were an American Airlines family. My dad flew internationally at least six times a year. Because of that, we had a lot of miles. So, we very rarely had to pay for flights. Plus, living in DFW lends itself to rather easy travel via American Airlines. I had enough miles as a 10-year-old kid to pay for three round-trip domestic flights. We flew all the time.

The only time a year I flew Southwest Airlines was because my parents and I wanted to see our family at Christmas. You see, they all live in Memphis, Tennessee (or in that area). And, because of the Wright Amendment, we couldn't get a direct flight there. Now, you might not know much about the Wright Amendment (the link above does help explain it better than I could), but I knew about it a lot. In fact, the first petition that I signed was against the Wright Amendment. I think I was 13. (OK, so maybe I only ever signed one other petition - in high school - against that jerk who wanted to be co-valedictorian...)

I was always very bitter that it seemed like the government was out to not let me easily visit my relatives. I mean, that sucks.

Then, I moved to Austin. The Southwest flight to Dallas from Austin was so cheap and fast, I flew it all the time. Plus, if you just flew a few flights, they gave you a free one. Also, it was the first gate right when you walked into ABIA. It was great. So, I became temporarily addicted to Southwest. And, American started pissing me off.

The reasons American pisses me off:
* The Group boarding doesn't make sense. It used to make sense because it was First Class and then loaded from the back. This isn't how it works now. Now it's First Class, Advantage, Business Class, then it starts with family boarding and then it goes back to front. If you load loud, bulky families first, American, that doesn't help people get in there.
* Bag fees. I know. I'm playing right into the commercials of Southwest. However, this really is accurate. I mean, I'm poor enough. I certainly can't afford to pay for checking bags. And the only people you exclude from the bag fees are those rich enough to fly all the time. I think it should be, instead, based on income level. I'm poor. No bag fees. I'm rich. I pay bag fees. Hey, sounds like a tax plan... But I digress.
* Flight attendants. I only know one nice flight attendant. Betty Langfitt. Everyone else is a heinous whore. They used to be nice. They used to be friendly. They used to actually want to help you. I've never seen so many people in a service industry roll their eyes when you ask them for water. One time I was lifting my suitcase to put it in the overhead bin and this guy offered to help me. It was quite nice (people don't do stuff like that anymore.) As I stepped back to let the man help me put it in the bin, the flight attendant actually said to me, "Could you hurry it up? You're holding up the plane." Trust me, no one hates people that hold up the departure more than me. I can assure you that I was moving swiftly. I can list other countless times they've been jerks, but this is just a one example blog.
* Redeeming your rewards. I have 8 free upgrades on my account that will most likely be there forever. Do you know that you have to buy a FULL PRICED TICKET to use an upgrade? That's right. If I buy a ticket for $10 less than the next guy, I can't use my upgrade. Why? No reason I can understand. I mean, what's the point of a reward if I can't reap the reward?
* Gate agents are useless. The other month, I was flying from Albuquerque to Austin for my wedding. It was a cluster. I flew from Albuquerque to Dallas. Got off the plane. Ran to my gate to board my plane to Austin. I probably looked rather flustered. I mean, I was breathing heavily and sweating after running halfway across DFW airport. They called my boarding group and I handed the gate agent my ticket and started to walk on the plane. "Ma'am, your bag looks too big. Put it in there (as she points quickly at the "tester" overhead bin, which we all know is MUCH smaller than the actual bin)." I pick it up and put it easily into the space and made eye contact with the lady. I pick up the bag and start to walk in, as it obviously fit in there. She yells "Don't try to sneak in there, miss." WHA?!?!?! I mean, who the hell says that? And it gets worse. I say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Here's the suitcase" and I lift the bag easily and show her it fits in there. She said, "Yeah, we're going to have to check that." Even though it fit EASILY into the bin. I'm not going to lie. I freaked out. I just say "I can't check this. I have important things in here. I'm sorry, is there any other way? It seems to fit easily." She responds, and I quote..."What's wrong with you?" I just stood there shocked. In fact, a guy had to come to my aid because I was so stunned. He said "her bag fits, lady. Get over it." Thank God that guy was there, otherwise, I'm pretty sure I would just be standing there with my mouth wide open. Also, once again not the only example. I just know that this would turn into a 4-page long entry if I didn't limit it to one example.
* I miss the Bistro Bag. I know that cuts had to be made on the airlines. However, I'm still bitter that I can't grab my Bistro Bag at the end of the walkway on the way to the flight. Now, to get a freaking cookie on the airplane, it costs $6.
* Changing flights is impossible and expensive. It's amazing to me that an airline can make it as difficult as possible to make you happy. I mean, all I want is a flight that's two hours later. What do I have to do? Pay a $250 change fee. Are you KIDDING ME?? I mean, I'm still getting a ticket. You now have that other seat open on another flight. Someone else will buy it. You should be allowing me to do that for free.
* Talking to a real person. It's crazy. It's IMPOSSIBLE to talk to an agent when you call American Airlines' hotline. I have to use my dad's Advantage number to even talk to a human being.

There are many other things that annoy me. But those are the first things I could come up with.

In other words, Southwest is awesome. They give you drink coupons. It's free to change your flights at any time you want. The flights are CHEAPER. It's open seating so it's more even handed. And American is pissing me off. I cannot believe they are still in business.

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